I feel anxious & guilty for even having written this out. Mothers’ Day is the worst! I just sent flowers to my MIL for her birthday and Mothers’ Day. I feel like sending flower to my mom with a card that says “I forgave your husband, how about you forgive mine?” But I know I won’t. It is too scary. Why am I terrified of conflict with her? I don’t think I really want any contact with her, but it is constantly lurking in the back of my mind. Too many times of hearing how I will miss her when she is gone. I already miss her, or the mom she used to be long ago. More later.